In her thought-provoking book of essays, Meaning in Life and Why it Matters, the philosopher Susan Wolf argues that meaning in life emerges when we find worthwhile activities that fulfill us internally and that are connected to something larger than ourselves.
If we find something we love but that has no connection to anything beyond ourselves, Wolf says that’s not really a meaningful life. For example, imagine if somebody found doing crossword puzzles alone in their basement to be very fulfilling, and so that’s how they spent their entire existence. Would you consider that a meaningful life?
Admittedly, this is a tricky question for me to answer! I tend to abide by the principles do no harm and don’t be an asshole. And for that, you could do a lot worse than a life of solitary crossword puzzles. But for the time being, let’s take a consensus view—most people probably would not consider a life of doing crossword puzzles alone in their basement to be high in meaning.
Now, let’s imagine somebody who is solving world hunger but who is absolutely miserable doing it. In this imaginary world-hunger solving organization, the tasks are menial, tedious, and repetitive. The boss is mean. You just show up and do the same thing every day, all the while being terrified to misstep; and then you go home—ad infinitum. Though you are definitely working toward something larger than yourself, you’d be hard-pressed to say it’s a meaningful life.
In Wolf’s framework, for meaning to emerge both of these factors must be present: you need a life with activities you find individually fulfilling and that are connected to something larger than yourself.
Wolf is an academic philosopher. She views the big questions of life through a philosophical lens. What I find fascinating (and worth paying attention to) is that her construction of meaning mirrors one of the most elegant, powerful, and well-studied psychological frameworks for general well-being and overall life satisfaction: self determination theory, or SDT for short.
SDT was developed in 1985 by the psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan. Since then, it has been evaluated in hundreds of studies and cited thousands of times. In the simplest of terms, SDT states that people flourish when three conditions are met:
- Autonomy: some control over how you spend your time and energy.
- Competence: a sense of mastery and progress that can be traced back to your efforts.
- Relatedness: a sense of belonging or connection to a community, movement, tradition, or something else beyond oneself.
When you have autonomy and competence you get a sense of internal fulfillment, and when you have relatedness you are involved in something larger than yourself. SDT aligns almost perfectly with Wolf’s construction of what makes for meaning in life.
For example, imagine an athlete who has near total control of her training and who is improving drastically as a result of her efforts. But in order to maintain this total control, she trains alone and finds herself isolated. Perhaps she could go on this way for a few years, but eventually, she’d experience burnout and emptiness. Though her needs for autonomy and mastery were being met, there was a gaping hole where relatedness would be.
Now imagine an athlete who trains with a great group of people, but the workouts don’t fit his needs and as a result his performance is stagnant. Again, perhaps he could go on like this and be satisfied for a year or two, but eventually, he’d get frustrated and burnout. His need for relatedness was met, but not for autonomy or competence.
Regardless of what overarching concept you choose—flourishing, experiencing life satisfaction, or finding meaning—people tend to do best when all three elements of SDT are met. Sometimes there are tradeoffs between each element, and in real life, the proportions are rarely (if ever) equal. But even so, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who has autonomy, competence, and relatedness and who is also a miserable person.
The implications are simple yet profound: we should do everything possible to fulfill the three elements of SDT in our own lives. Wen we feel off or like something is missing, a good first-step to diagnosing the problem is to check our day-to-day lives against the elements of SDT.
When you evaluate projects to undertake, locations to live, teams with whom to work, and growth opportunities, come back to the rubric of autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
You could even go as far as to a build an entire life around autonomy, competence, and relatedness. You’d give yourself a good chance at finding fulfillment and being connected to something larger than yourself, which is to say you’d give yourself a good chance at having a meaningful life.
— Brad
