It’s easy to brush off the struggles of men or the rise of the online “manosphere” as a last gasp of the patriarchy or an overblown and manufactured crisis solely for the culture war.
But that’s a mistake.
The data show that young men are truly struggling in unique ways—graduation rates are steeply declining; suicide rates are four times that of women; and loneliness and isolation are on the rise. If thoughtful people don’t address these struggles, then the likes of Andrew Tate, Liver King, or other miserable influencers will.
It’s why we’ve spent the last two episodes of our podcast — FAREWELL (Apple, Spotify) — doing a deep dive on the topic. The first is a conversation with Richard Reeves on the cultural and social forces that have created these problems. For the second episode, out today, we came together to debrief on that conversation, hear a couple of clips from other voices who have thought deeply about these issues, and offer potential solutions or ways forward.
With that in mind, let’s start with the hormone most associated with the “alpha” male movement: testosterone. Traditionally, testosterone is thought to be about aggression and dominance. It’s why every social media bro hems and haws about being “high T” or tries to insult those they claim are “low T.”
Unsurprisingly, the social media ecosystem misunderstands and misrepresents complex biology.
Testosterone isn’t mainly about aggression, it’s about status. And it’s context-dependent. In a dominance-incentivized environment, increases in testosterone lead to aggression. But in environments that prioritize competence or prestige, that same hormone nudges us towards pride, affiliation, and prosocial behaviors. As University of Oregon psychologists wrote in a recent review, testosterone “functions as a competition hormone that readies and calibrates an organism’s psychology for the pursuit and maintenance of status and by doing so maximizes fitness across competitive contexts.”
Put differently: in the context of UFC, testosterone leads to aggression. But in just about every other context, testosterone leads to wanting to be recognized and appreciated, be it by constructing bridges, building companies, or helping out a neighbor.
The manosphere (online communities that are broadly anti-feminist and misogynist) often emphasizes dominance as the only path forward; however, this is in opposition to research that shows we can obtain status in other ways—such as prestige, virtue, and competence.
Here’s why the misrepresentation of dominance matters: When the world feels overwhelming, and other paths towards status seem hopeless or out of reach, when men (often young) are told that the only solution is to “dominate” to prove their worth, what happens? They avoid and shut down (think: incels), or they latch onto whatever movement promises them a solution in the short-term (think: Andrew Tate’s version of masculinity).
Without a clear, meaningful path to status, young men risk withdrawing or falling prey to toxic shortcuts and pseudo solutions. Isolation, bitterness, and extremism become attractive. Andrew Tate isn’t the disease; he’s a symptom of a deeper void, a deeper sickness in our society.
We all need status. It’s part of being human. The latest theories in psychology posit that we have an in-built status monitoring system, the hierometer. Essentially, our perceived status—how much we feel respected, valued, and needed—acts as an input that adjusts our internal sense of self-worth, which in turn influences our emotions and behaviors. In simplistic terms, if we don’t feel valued, we experience negative emotions and adopt avoidant coping mechanisms and anti-social behaviors. Status isn’t an individual pursuit. It’s socially dependent. Are you contributing, providing value, and displaying significance in a community? There has been a significant decline in connection and belonging in recent years; it’s hard to sustain tangible status when you have no actual friends, when you have no impact in your physical world.
It’s important to note that women also need and seek status. We’ve rightfully worked to increase women’s opportunities in the workplace, especially in jobs in STEM fields or opportunities to rise up in corporate hierarchies. This is all great—and not just for women, but for all of us. We want the smartest and most capable people doing their best work. But at the same time, we’ve seen a decline in roles and opportunities where men traditionally obtained status:
- Physical jobs have declined in quantity and prestige.
- We’ve emphasized college degrees for all, while downplaying the trades and craftsmanship.
- In high school, thanks partially to the No Child Left Behind Act, non-core academic classes like shop class have declined precipitously.
- We’ve turned youth sports into a professional pipeline instead of a socialization and character development opportunity.
- We’ve seen the rise of what we call “a watching society” in place of a doing one: less playing sports, more observing; fewer hobbies and craftsmanship, more scrolling; less dating, more reality television and porn.
We also see the need for status in another recent trend: the rise of the lifting bro on social media. Research shows that for men in particular, physical strength serves as a signal of status. If it feels like you can’t get status anywhere else, what do you do? Lift some weights to boost your internal status monitor. We think strength training is great, but the rise in the health optimization world points to men trying to find status in one place they can control: their appearance of strength. (And if the number of social media trolls who call Steve a pencil neck nerd is any indicator, many wear this badge of status as their only useful measure of identity…)
But even here, there is a key distinction to be made: the appearance of strength versus genuine strength. The appearance of strength can be manufactured with steroids, which are on an exceedingly steep rise in young men. Genuine strength must be earned through hard work and respect for the craft and yourself. There’s a big difference between training alone, taking steroids, and watching YouTube all day versus getting the most out of yourself and pushing against your natural limits in a community of other people doing the same. The problem is that so many young men are being sold (and pursuing) the appearance of strength versus genuine strength, and not just in the gym, but in life itself.
We desperately need to provide a more diverse array of status opportunities for men that don’t just include dominance, but also prestige, virtue, and competence. We need to model these opportunities to young men and celebrate those living them out in diverse ways. Collectively, we should try to:
- Reverse the decline in men volunteering for service organizations or leading their local scout troop. These provide avenues for status through virtue and role modelling for younger generations.
- Change the narrative on certain professions. We desperately need more male teachers, nurses, and therapists. We should encourage these professions, not just for men but for women too! You can easily argue that nothing is more important than raising the next generation and caring for those in need.
- Make tradespeople feel valued. As AI and automation encroach on many professions, understanding how to fix a plumbing emergency is becoming rarer and more valuable by the day.
- Improve our isolation crisis among men and women. And no, not through AI bots as Mark Zuckerberg suggested, but through opportunities for genuine connection. Men tend to form friendships through “side-by-side” activities where they are doing things together, versus face-to-face conversation. We need more sports, crafts, and activities to provide opportunities for this.
- Provide more avenues for mastery. From youth sports to art to theater to craftsmanship, mastery provides status through competence and prestige. That means initiatives like rolling back the “pay to play” youth sports model and making sure shop class is available in more high schools.
- Raise the profile and status that comes from being a good and loving father.
As Richard Reeves explained in our recent podcast, the first step is to acknowledge that status isn’t zero-sum. We can have men and women rise together, and that should be the goal. This is the opposite of what much of the manosphere professes: turning the rise of equality into a boogeyman, an enemy to rally against. It’s the classic “us vs. them” tactic to direct one’s anger, fear, or outrage at something external instead of taking personal responsibility and accountability. It might help create followers for the Tate brothers on social media, but it doesn’t help any of the young men who fall for the trap. It only creates hate, resentment, and further isolation. The solution is not the “protein to MAGA” pipeline. It’s not to create a left version of Joe Rogan. It’s not to say that men need to suck it up and that there’s no issue. It’s to provide avenues for significance, direction, and connection that aren’t toxic and shallow. It’s to provide opportunities for young men and women to thrive. It’s to create cultures and highlight role models who emphasize competence and virtue as meaningful paths forward.
– Steve and Brad
