Over the last few weeks, the situation in my hometown of Asheville, North Carolina, and the Western part of the state more broadly, has been hard to describe. On Friday, September 27, Hurricane Helene made landfall and wreaked havoc across the Blue Ridge Mountains. Nearly three weeks later, and just today my family got running water back for the first time. Many are without power. More than 200 people have lost their lives. Countless others have lost their homes and businesses. Schools have been closed and are unlikely to re-open for at least another week, if not more.
Following a disorder event like this, there is no going back to the old order. There is only moving forward to a new reorder.
For many, there will be silver linings and the ultimate result of this will be strength and resilience, because the human spirit is strong and the community is strong. For those who have lost loved ones, there is just pain, and my heart breaks. I am so, so, sorry.
Below are some reflections on resilience. They are drawn from my current experience, because it is fresh and raw. But perhaps you’ll find them applicable to certain situations in your own life, too.
After chaos or any big change, there is a window when adrenaline is high and there is an abundance of action and hope. You’re filled with a mix of anxiety and excitement (which are close cousins) and a list of things you have to do: secure food and water; call your friends, family, and colleagues; check in on your neighbors; and in some cases, evacuate, which means packing up kids, pets, and any important belongings. A handful of people I’ve spoken with described experiencing a sort of controlled-mania in these early moments.
But as time (and the immediate chaos) passes, the initial energy fades and you enter into what I’ll call the long slog phase. It can be days, weeks, or even months. The work is difficult, monotonous, and exhausting. Progress is slow. You are no longer in acute disorder but you are nowhere near reorder either. You also no longer have the benefit of controlled-mania. You start to come down from the anxiety and excitement, but when you look around, things are still anything but normal. Perhaps you feel sad, apathetic, overwhelmed, hopeless, exhausted, or some combination of these things.
With natural disasters, the long slog plays out collectively. But it’s present after individual disorder events too, such as a serious injury, illness, or failure. It is important to set the expectation that the long slog will be just that—a long slog. Patience is crucial.
Tragic optimism means accepting the mess for what it is, honoring what you are going through, and working to maintain hope nonetheless. It is very important. It is not easy.
I am an optimistic person. I’ve written books with underlying themes of hope and progress. And yet, for much of the past few weeks, I’ve been having a hard time feeling anything but overwhelm and loss—and I have it easy compared to so many of my neighbors. I am okay. My family is okay. My home is okay. My work is okay. I think it’s important to feel what you’re feeling and give yourself the benefit of the doubt. But it’s also important to allow yourself to find joy if it is there, and to smile too. And, when you’re ready, to look forward to the future. The moments of joy and hope help fill your tank and give you the strength to keep going.
I continue to be in awe of all the first responders, linesmen, physicians, nurses, social workers, engineers, national guardspeople, the list goes on. So many individuals are working around the clock and giving everything they have to the acute recovery effort. Unlike what you may have seen on the news, this disaster has brought the community together, not torn it apart. It’s brought out the best of people. It may be cliche to say look to the helpers, but oftentimes, cliches contain more than a kernel of truth.
There are numerous theories on resilience but it really comes down to a few core factors: leaning into community, staying patient, allowing yourself to feel sadness and loss and to maintain hope at the same time, being kind to yourself, patience, persistence, small routines that support your mental health, and a commitment to showing up over and over again as you trudge through the mess.
Try not to hold what you are going through alone. If possible, help others—be it financially, physically, or psychologically. Taking productive action, even if it’s small, is a powerful way to keep overwhelm and despair at bay.
All of these things serve the same purpose, which is to help us keep showing up, trudging ahead, and rebuilding as best we can. So long as you keep moving forward, the rest takes care of itself.
— Brad
